


I know, you know

by vanillashortcakes



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, M/M, b99/psych-esque hijinks, cable-network detective disasters, hubert is soft, i'm sorry ashe, married ferdibert, they're both saps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 18:10:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20728568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillashortcakes/pseuds/vanillashortcakes
Summary: Ferdinand visits his husband's workplace for the first time following a two-month trip.No one knows who he is.





	I know, you know

**Author's Note:**

> I really needed to write an fe3h fic after spending +90 hours on it and this was the literal most self-indulgent thing I could come up with. I can't stand these two. Their A+ support left me reeling. I knew it was gonna be soft but I didn't expect it to be THAT soft. Holy shit. 
> 
> There is a wild case of unprofessionalism in this fic with the real-world accuracy of a cable network show. I wrote this with one hand. Anyways, here's 3k of one-handed modern au schmoop.

Ferdinand stands at the front step of the Garreg Mach City Precinct, fixing the ribbon of his bouquet for the tenth time. He can’t say that it screams romance. Normally, he would get a custom arrangement, sometimes to the point of designing it himself, but he had practically flown past the flower shop earlier while racing the end of his confidence to the police station.

As predicted, he wonders if he should even be here. Competitions with Edelgard had left him more confident than this, and he’d never even won any of those. It wasn’t until he and Hubert started dating that Ferdinand realized just how nervous he was capable of becoming. 

The excitement of returning home after two months of being shipped around from meeting to ceremony to meeting to Brigid Independence Anniversary to godawful international meeting had kept him up all night, and he had forgotten to account for the fourteen-hour flight home. Now, his luggage is still in the car, his hair has been pulled up into a sloppy bun to cover up the fatigue, and he can’t feel his face. These things, along with the general truth that Hubert really, _ really _ hates surprises, all keep him at a horrible disadvantage.

Unfortunately for Hubert, Ferdinand’s always loved a challenge.

A door slams shut behind him, and Ferdinand brightens when he recognizes two friendly faces. Though, ‘recognize’ is a strong word for people you’ve only seen from Facebook photos of the workplace that your husband dislikes talking about.

"Excuse me! Good morning!”

The woman with bubblegum pink nails squints dangerously at him. “It’s four in the afternoon.”

“Oh, is it?” Ferdinand laughs. “My apologies, I must be more drained than I realized.” Timezones, too, must be catching up with him. Jetlag is truly inconvenient.

“Hey, man, don’t sweat it.” The man in the bright yellow button-up gives Ferdinand a sympathetic shoulder pat. Despite being shorter than Ferdinand, he gives a strong sense of competence and authority that immediately alleviates Ferdinand’s worries. “What can I do for ya’? I know we don’t look like it, but we know this place and its workings a little better than people would like us to.”

“Claude! You can’t just admit that!” the woman scolds without a hint of actual guilt. “Sorry about him, he’s just feelin’ naughty ‘cause he preparing to get his butt whooped by our head detective, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh, dear Hilda, whatever could you be suggesting? Good god, don’t you know that there is a troubled citizen in need of our help?” The gold man, Claude, shoves his partner aside and gives his full attention to a frazzled-looking Ferdinand. “For real, though? Sorry. We’ve been caught up in a really hectic case recently, but we’re happy to help you with whatever you need.”

“Yeah! Totally.” Hilda pauses to give Ferdinand an uncomfortable once-over, taking in his designer coat, fancy ring, and semi-formal suit. “Unless you’re here to sue us. In that case, we don’t work here. We’re on our way to a con.”

“A police con,” Claude adds.

“A police conference?” Ferdinand’s jetlag brain supplies.

“No, like a convention. For police.”

“Not that we’re with the police.”

“We're roleplay police.”

“For sex.”

“It’s a sexy con.”

“I am not here to sue you?” Ferdinand quickly says once logic returns to him.

“Great!” Claude brightens and takes Ferdinand’s hand to shake. “I’m Detective Riegan. Feel free to call me Claude. This is my partner, Detective Goneril.”

“Hilda,” she corrects. 

“Ferdinand von Aegir,” Ferdinand says proudly, returning Claude’s handshake. It’s a little weak due to his lack of energy, but if Claude notices, he doesn’t show it. “I was hoping that you may be able to direct me to Detective Vestra?”

There’s a beat.

“Hoh boy,” Hilda says under her breath so quietly that Ferdinand may have imagined it.

“Sure, we can do that. Let's go get you a visitor’s pass,” Claude says, making Ferdinand sigh with relief. “Follow me.”

As Ferdinand files through the motions of getting his visitor’s pass, Claude and Hilda whisper to one another in a corner behind him. Claude holds up his arms in a neutral motion, while Hilda seems to be pointing everywhere with wide eyes: the ceiling, the stairs to the morgue, Ferdinand’s bouquet, her phone. She grabs another officer strolling by, and begins to point at them as well.

Suspicion begins to gnaw at Ferdinand. He knows it hasn’t been long since Hubert and Edelgard got transferred to Garreg Mach, but do his husband’s coworkers know that Ferdinand exists? Claude and Hilda didn’t _seem_ to recognize him by name, and even though he didn’t know exactly who they were on first sight, Ferdinand knows he’s listened to a few cutting remarks about an inappropriately intelligent Riegan and an idiotically strong Goneril before. When he tells the receptionist that he’s here to visit his husband and who that is, it takes a moment for her mouth to start working again.

Ferdinand panics. Hubert’s a very private person, Ferdinand respects this, but he wears his wedding ring in plain sight and should have had to answer a few questions about it with people like Claude and Hilda nosing around. Has Edelgard told anybody? Are they even aware Hubert is married? Do they even know he’s bi?

Ferdinand’s mind is reeling before he even realizes his badge has already been handed to him. He swiftly attaches it to his coat and shakes off the intrusive thoughts. A shameful state for an Aegir, he must admit. 

“Alright, ready to go!” he announces to Claude, the thought of seeing Hubert again pushing away his exhaustion. He noticed a curious gaze on him. “Ah, excuse me, it is a pleasure to meet you. Ferdinand von Aegir.”

The newcomer attached to Hilda’s iron grip blinks up at him. “I’m Ashe,” says the young officer in kind, to which Claude and Hilda simultaneously correct as, “Officer Ubert,” as if they’ve done so many times before. “Nice to meet you, too!” His expression drops when he notices Ferdinand’s bouquet. “Is everything okay?”

Ferdinand immediately flashes back to spending three straight nights awake while celebrating Brigid independence with Petra’s family: debating politically for half of the time, drinking for the other half, and physically fighting for the rest. Were Ferdinand not already skilled in a number of medieval weaponry, including hand-to-hand, he quite possibly would have lost the respect of a lot of important people. 

However, he knows he wears his heart on his sleeve when outside of his formal workplace, and is greeted with pitying gazes upon his return to the present. He beams at them reassuringly. “I am quite alright! No need to worry about me; I will be feeling better very soon.” 

“Let’s not be too hasty,” Hilda says seriously, and then, “Ow!” when Claude pinches her arm. 

Claude gives him a lazy smile. “This your first time here?” Ferdinand nods. “Well, I hope you like heights, we’re going up pretty far.”

“I know.” Ferdinand smirks at the memory of Hubert finding out about his new office location. His face had been priceless. 

The elevator ride up is silent, not that Ferdinand minds the time to mentally prepare himself, but his three companions seem oddly attune to his nervous twitching. It seems rude to tell them to let him be when they’ve been so helpful (if strangely). 

After a long while of watching the numbers climb (god, is Hubert okay?) Hilda finally decides that she’s had enough. 

“How’d you know where the floor is if you’ve never been here before, huh?” she demands.

“What?” Ferdinand says.

“Hilda!” Ashe scolds.

“He could have googled it,” Claude says. 

“Actually, I-”

“Funny story, but I overheard Vestra telling Edie in the breakroom yesterday that some dude named Ferdinand needed to be 'taken care of’, so either you’ve got a target on your pretty little Burberry back, or you’re about to encounter devastating financial or social collapse real soon, maybe both. I know you’ve got beef with him. Spill the beans and we can help.”

Ashe squawks at the same time Claude’s face falls into his hands. Is he shaking? Ferdinand stands there, staring at Hilda’s intense gaze for the longest moment, clutching his flowers as he processes this information before sputtering, “He said that he wanted to take care of me?”

Ferdinand must have the most undignified flush on his face, because Hilda mutters a soft “What the fuck,” before the elevator doors ping open and Claude shoves the group out. As soon as they step onto the floor, a redheaded man nearly barrels into on them, doing a double-take at Ferdinand.

“Oh my god, are we getting sued?”

“Nope,” Claude says, while Ashe mutters a defeated, “Nobody tells me anything anymore,” and Hilda turns to comfort him.

“Phew! That would suck. Anyway, Officer Sylvain Gautier at your service. I’m not in trouble or anything, am I?”

“Nothing I have been made aware of,” Ferdinand assures him. “I apologize if I seem haggard, it has been a long few months and I am eager to see my husband again.”

“Aw, how sweet,” Sylvain says, then frowns. Ferdinand follows his gaze to Hilda and Ashe, who have gone frighteningly still with shock, and Claude, who is trying and failing to hide his laughter. “You guys alright? Hey, I didn’t think anyone else was married besides- WAIT.”

Ferdinand doesn’t bother to hear any more of their conversation, because stepping out of the chief’s office with her head held high is Edelgard, which means behind her is…

“Hubie!” Ferdinand calls, not noticing how half of the floor stops.

Hubert’s head snaps up at the sound of his voice, and Ferdinand easily steps around a shell-shocked Sylvain. Before he can even present his gift, Hubert snags him by the arms and leans in to look gravely at his face.

“Are you alright? Did something happen?” are the first things his husband says to him in person after two months of separation. For some reason, it makes Ferdinand blush. “Why are you here?”

“I missed you?” Ferdinand says guiltily. Relieved, if unimpressed, Hubert relaxes. “Forgive me, my phone died, and I haven’t gotten a proper sleep in forty hours.”

Hubert runs a hand through his hair. “I’m shocked that you survived two months on your own.” 

Ferdinand stares at him. Hubert says this as if he himself hadn’t refused to sleep a week straight on a steakout that led to him getting into a fistfight with three armed criminals, winning, arresting them, and then sleeping for twenty four hours at the hospital after getting a knife wound stitched up. To say Ferdinand had been pissed would be an understatement. He thought Hubert had been in a coma.

Hubert twitches at Ferdinand’s scrutiny and sighs. “Dearest, you look like a man who’s been held hostage for two months, and you’re carrying an arrangement of funeral flowers.” Shit. “You haven’t texted me since you boarded, didn’t tell me your arrival time, and showed up to the floor of my workplace with a police escort.”

Ah.

Well.

“To… be fair, the tag on the flowers said ‘Missing You’ and it was the most appropriate thing I could find at the time,” Ferdinand admits, handing the bouquet to Hubert. Triumphantly, he continues, “And! You like funeral flowers anyway, so I believe it is my win this time."

Hubert, distractedly holding flowers for dead people, gazes openly at Ferdinand. “I suppose you’re right," he says. Then, slowly, a rare smile graces his features. "They’re lovely, thank you.”

Behind them, someone begins to choke, but Ferdinand doesn’t notice as a tidal wave of affection for his husband rushes over him. Without a second thought, he reaches over and gently fits his mouth over Hubert’s like a man spending all his days longing for the night.

It’s a quick kiss, safe for work, and Ferdinand parts from Hubert looking akin to a puppy whose owner had just come home. He indulges himself by planting another kiss on Hubert’s cheek that Hubert graciously accepts. God, he’s missed this man. 

It’s only after that that he notices Edelgard pointedly not looking at them. No, not ignoring them, just looking at something else. Irritably.

It’s everyone else that’s staring at them.

“Is... it strange for me to be here?” Ferdinand asks Hubert.

“Considering that I have mentioned you _ several times _ during my stay here, no, it shouldn’t be.” Hubert refuses to turn to the rest of his squadron, but the warning is plainly directed at them.

“_ What? _” Hilda, finally finding her tongue, snaps. “You mean you were serious about that!?”

“I was betting on it being a codename,” Sylvain admits outright. Several turn to him. “I mean, come on! ‘I have a Skype call with My Husband at 2100’ doesn’t sound James Bond to you guys? Dude, I thought you were his handler or something. No offense.”

“Hey, I thought Husband was a hit list. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone say ‘I’m taking My Husband out tonight’ with such murderous intensity.” A few people look away guiltily at Hilda’s statement, proving their agreement. 

That’s just Hubert’s face, though. It took Ferdinand years of antagonizing Hubert in high school to get over it. Apparently, Ferdinand now has a thing for dark and menacing looks of affection, so now he’s the strange one.

“I just didn’t think you were real,” Ashe says with great remorse. More guilty looks from the gallery. “Not because, like, I think Detective Vestra can’t be married, but more like he doesn’t have any pictures of you? His phone background is a black screen.”

“You changed it back?” Ferdinand realizes in dismay.

“I don’t want unwanted people knowing what your face looks like should I be captured,” Hubert justifies.

“He doesn’t always wear his ring,” Sylvain adds.

“I don’t want to damage it.” Hubert rubs his temples. “And I _do_ have a picture of him, on my desk. All of you have seen it.”

“You have a picture of a _ dog _ on your desk, that we thought was a cover-up for your secret spy life, posing with some Disney prince that you probably ripped out of a teen magaz…” Hilda freezes mid-sentence and takes another long, uncomfortable look at Ferdinand, this time looking him directly in the face. She takes in his hair, his tall frame, his elegant demeanor, mentally erasing away the fatigue lines before- “Holy shit, you are that guy.”

“The dog is also real,” Ferdinand supplies. “Her name is Peanut Butter.”

“Okay, I thought _ My Dog _ was the hit list,” Sylvain says.

Ashe mouths ‘Peanut Butter’ while staring at Hubert in wonder, and at that moment, Edelgard loses her patience.

“Have you people had enough?” she snaps. “I’ve already told you that Hubert is a regular human being, but it seems that none of you wanted to believe me.”

“I did,” Claude says from the back.

“Detective Riegan dug through Hubert’s files, so he doesn’t count.” Claude boos. “Are we through? Good. Hello, Ferdinand, it’s good to see you again.” 

“Edelgard! It is indeed. Now, I got this game from Petra that-”

“No.”

“But it is a war game,” Ferdinand whines. “You love war games.”

“I have a double homicide to investigate, and I’m sure you two have a lot of catching up to do. Let’s get brunch next week instead. Good day, Ferdinand.” With that, she turns her heel and retreats to her desk.

Her speech seems to kick the floor back into action, because most everyone goes back to work after that. “I apologize for them,” Hubert says. “They don’t know me as well as our team from Adrestia.”

Considering several members of that team happened to be people Ferdinand had gone to college with, this wasn’t surprising. Per courtesy of his job, Ferdinand has been called worse things than ‘handler’ and ‘hit list’, so this issue puts him more concerned for Hubert’s social adjustment than anything else. Maybe he should visit more often. Buy some cupcakes.

“Well, hopefully they know you better now that they know you are not an axe murderer.” Ferdinand then gets a brilliant idea. “We should invite them over for dinner.”

“No,” Hubert replies immediately.

“Sometime later, then.” Ferdinand nods. “You can show them that window garden that Bernie helped you start.”

“Perhaps,” Hubert compromises. Ferdinand beams. “Ferdie.”

“Yes, hon?”

“I love you. Go home.”

Ferdinand admits defeat. “Alright,” he says, and then pulls Hubert in for one more hug. “I love you, too. See you soon.”

Hubert strokes Ferdinand’s hair, effectively filling up his capacity for PDA for the day. Letting him go, Ferdinand makes his way back to the elevators, ignoring the looks he gets along the way. Inevitably, he’s grabbed by Claude before he can escape.

“Dude." Claude winks and holds up a fist. “You snagged that.”

“Thank you, I am quite proud of myself.” Ferdinand looks at the fist and shakes it, much to Claude’s amusement. 

“You’re funny. I say we hang out sometime, deal?” 

“Don’t,” says Hubert from the back.

“That sounds _fantastic_," Ferdinand says, patting Claude’s shoulder. “Thank you again for your help. I will be sure to visit again soon.”

"Looking forward to it, man," Claude says with a twinkle of mischief in his eye. Despite this, Ferdinand thinks he means it.

Ferdinand’s exhaustion hits once the doors close and he finally feels himself leaving. Forty hours catch up hard. When he fights back a yawn, the ride down takes a quick halt on the floor below, allowing two finely-dressed officers to board.

“Hello there,” says a friendly-looking blond officer with one eye. A mountainous officer trails after him. “Ah, you must be Detective Vestra’s husband! Pleasure to meet you, I’m Detective Dimitri Blaiddyd and this is Detective Dedue Molinaro.”

“Pleasure,” Dedue echoes politely.

Ferdinand brightens. “Ferdinand von Aegir. You have already heard of me?”

“Of course!” Dimitri preens. “Detective Vestra speaks of you constantly. I’ve seen on his desk that you two have a great dane together?”

“Yes! Dear Peanut Butter.”

“A fine name, indeed. I hope I have the chance to meet them sometime.” The door rings for a middle floor. “Ah, duty calls. It was nice to meet you, Ferdinand.” With a wave, Dimitri and Dedue depart, leaving him alone once again.

“Hm,” Ferdinand muses seriously. “I wonder if they would help me change Hubert’s desktop background.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ferdinand: I'm sorry, you were stabbed?  
Hubert: Lightly stabbed, I didn't want to alarm you.
> 
> Some stuff:  
-Most of the other Black Eagles don't show up because they're all technically Hu and Edie's old squadron. It was really hard not to put Caspar in this. Sometimes they come visit to help Hubert make friends.  
-Ferdinand's job is super vague but implies government diplomacy. It involves going to lots of parties and being nice to lots of different people in many different places.  
-Claude is stupid for Head Detective Byleth. He eventually gets transferred following a promotion and begins his plan of seduction. It goes surprisingly well.  
-There had been a betting pool on Husband's identity, hence the intensity. Mercedes won. Dimitri knew nothing about it, but was also the first to meet Peanut Butter.  
-Ferdinand got Hubert the puppy as an anniversary gift. He called her Peanut Butter as a baby name while he was hiding her from Hu and she became unwilling to respond to anything else. She then proceeded to gain nearly 170 pounds.


End file.
